I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Will exercising make me less horny?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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