I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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