You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
