I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
