guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
