just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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