Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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