Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
