i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
