Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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