just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize