and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
