how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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