You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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