Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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