It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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