There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
