I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
