I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
