Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We were destined to go to rehab together
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
