I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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