Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Terrible idea I love it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
