I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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