Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
