I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
