never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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