Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize