that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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