Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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