If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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