It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
