Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
