So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
