I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
