hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
