I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
