he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
