Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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