dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
