It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
