HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
