i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
