Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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