At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize