I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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