I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
