Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
