We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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