Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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