She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
