I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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