So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
