Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
