Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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