Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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