You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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