You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
