guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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