i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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