I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
