the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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