After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
