The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
