so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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