Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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