THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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