just tell him i said nine months
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
