I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
