Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
