I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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