Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
