i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
