how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
