u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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