she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
