God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
