yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
