Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
