his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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