You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
