Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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