Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
