My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
