The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
