im about as happy as oj after his trial
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they're like a gay fantastic four
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
