I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Who died my cat blue again?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
