the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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