No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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