i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize