it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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