i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
