You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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