I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
