you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
