Plan B is the new Plan A
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize