hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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