i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
