the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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