Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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