my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
