Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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