Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
