Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
