no, he came in my armpit
i think i have two assholes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So squirting runs in the family.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
