Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
