thus making me awesome and them whores
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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