I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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