im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
