I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Vodka?
Forever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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