i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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