those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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